Endless Nightmare
by infy
Summary: Wang Yi relives the same moment every time she closes her eyes-the moment when she lost everything.


She held Zhao Ang's hand tenderly in hers. She smiled brightly at him, hugged him, kissed his lips softly- the day couldn't have been more beautiful outside as they sat beneath the same tree they sat under to have the same picnic they had had every week for years. They spoke to each other as husband and wife did, about nothing of particular importance, and beyond the chirping of the birds, she heard the faint sound of the laughter of her children.

"Mama, mama!" Wang Yi glanced to her side, just in time to catch Zhao Ying as she tripped and fell into her mother's arms. She giggled brightly, and so did Wang Yi. "Good catch!" Ying beamed with that toothy grin of hers, and Wang Yi smiled back just as brightly.

"You should be a bit more careful next time. What if I wasn't here to catch you and you scraped your knee?"

"Then I'd be brave like you, and I wouldn't cry!"

"Oh, really? Would you really be brave?" Wang Yi chuckled, putting on her best mock-serious face.

"Just like Mama and Baba!" The smile on Ying's face never left.

Wang Yi couldn't hide a smirk from fading onto her face, and she shared a knowing look with Zhao Ang. "Really...? Even when faced with something terrible and scary like..." she held up her hands, pretending to be menacing. "The tickle monster?" Ying's eyes widened and she tried to leap away, but Wang Yi caught her and began tickling her mercilessly. Ying's eyes teared up from laughter as she writhed beneath her mother, who was laughing just as hard. Zhao Ang grinned in the background, trying his hardest not to intervene.

"Hey! Mom's got Ying! Yue, come on, we gotta help her!" Wang Yi glanced over to see her two sons just coming over the hill.

"Come get me!" She challenged them, not releasing her daughter. "I know how ticklish you are! You can't hide from me!"

They fearlessly charged, yelling out their battle cry. "Dogpile!" Wang Yi braced herself for impact as both Zhao Yue and Zhao Ping tackled her to the ground. She managed to pin one down as her daughter wriggled away, but her other boy knocked her back down again. Laughter rang out through the field, and Wang Yi was distracted enough that she didn't notice Zhao Ang standing and staring back towards the village dourly.

He shushed them. "Yi... Yi, something isn't right."

She wiped the tears from her eyes and took a breath, her lungs sore from laughing. "What is it?" She glanced back toward the village, and noticed a billowing cloud of smoke coming from the middle of it. She paused a moment, and her eyes widened. "...That's..."

"Smoke."

"Did someone's cooking fire get out of hand...?" she suggested. Her children crowded around behind her, their attention captured by the rising smoke as well. Ying started breathing heavily.

"I don't like this, Mama... what's going on?"

Wang Yi crouched and cupped her daughter's cheek in her hand. "It's okay, dear. It's all okay. We'll figure this out. Nothing is going to happen. I promise."

Yue and Ping exchanged glances. Ping wrinkled his brow. "Do you swear?"

"Scout's honor," she sighed, crossing her heart and standing straight again. She shared a glance with her husband, and he looked down at their children.

"Stay with your mother, alright?" He breathed, before breaking out in a brisk run toward the village. Wang Yi nodded once, and eased her daughter as she began to cry.

Minutes, nearly an hour had passed, and he hadn't returned. Wang Yi began to worry, making a plan in her head for a worst-case scenario-if something did happen, and he was injured, she could make her way to one of the houses on the outskirts of the village. Tell her children to hide in a cupboard, under a table, in any nook or cranny until it was safe. She wasn't going to lose them should anything bad happen. Grabbing her trishulas from their sheaths, she turned towards her now distraught children, kneeling and gathering them around her. Ying had been sobbing for the past five minutes; Ping and Yue tried desperately not to show their terror, but their mother's next words to them caused both of them to break down into her arms.

"I'm going to tell you something that might scare you. But I'm going to make sure you're safe. I swear to you this." She breathed, trying to keep her composure as she held her boys close to her. Ying joined in the embrace, and she wrapped her arms tightly around the three of them. "I want you to stay as close as possible to me. I'm going to put you somewhere safe where you can hide, and nobody will find you. But listen to me," she whispered, pulling away from the embrace, and waiting to continue until all eyes were on her. "I need you all to be brave." She stood, ruffling Yue's hair, and he nodded.

They had covertly snuck around to the west about a mile, before they arrived at a small hut. She noticed a few soldiers she hadn't seen before-even their clothing was alien to her. They all dressed in green. Perhaps... was this the Shu army...? At the sight of their commander, a tall man dressed in extravagant and elaborate armor, her fingers tightened around her weapon. She wasn't seasoned with it, in fact, she had rarely ever used it. But she supposed it was better than nothing. A glance down and she counted three heads, all safe, all healthy; she sincerely found herself impressed with the way her children kept up with her-Ang had trained them well. She attempted to force a smile at them, but she knew it was the worst case scenario she had imagined. After a cursory scan around the area for archers, she quickly ushered her children into the hut, shutting the door behind her.

"Find somewhere to hide, okay?" Her eyes threatened to spill out tears, the idea that she may have just lost her husband only just occurring to her. But she had to be strong. For them. She tried to tell herself they'd be safe; the boys had the daggers she had given them to carry around at all times-they could at least defend themselves slightly if they were found... against armed, trained soldiers, with swords and spears. Wang Yi shook her head. She didn't want to think about that. This place was in the farthest corner of the village-they were well hidden. She held the door shut with one hand, and turned to face them. Yue and Ping hid beneath a table in a dark, unlit corner of the room- they had let Ying have the less conspicuous location inside a cupboard in the other corner. She nodded. "Hey." Their attention, their terrified, tear-filled eyes, all turned to her. They made her knees weak. "I love you."

Only Ying managed to speak past the lump in her throat. "W-We... we love you too, Mama." Wang Yi swallowed, choking back horrified tears, as she turned and left the hut, trusting that her children were safe.

The moment she exited the hut she found herself in the throes of chaos. Bodies of both villagers and the strange soldiers littered the ground. She gulped and pressed on, her trishulas firmly grasped in each hand.

She fought her way through countless soldiers before her, minutes upon minutes being beaten and bruised and bloodied, having all the while cast quick glances behind her at the hut, unentered, unmolested. It all moved in slow motion for her.

She turned back around one final time, and the man she had noticed before caught her eye, on horseback, swinging a massive spear. She squinted to see the extravagant general in a better light, attempting to ignore the sprays of blood from the villagers he slaughtered as they fled. She recognized the face-this was the man known as Ma Chao. Ma Chao the Splendid, the warrior known for his pursuit of justice-and his pursuit of Cao Cao, the man who held control of this village. She suddenly realized the situation was far more dire than she had anticipated. Her first coherent thoughts in what seemed like hours came to her. _Zhao Ang... no...!_

Her feet carried her faster than they ever had. Fighting off countless soldiers, she searched every nook, every cranny of the village... and she found him near a supply station, huddled in the fetal position, clutching his side, blood drenching the ground below him. She took a step back and gasped, her eyes wide. "No," she muttered. "N-no! No, please, no!"

She rushed to his side, dragging him behind the crates of supplies so they were out of view. She held his hand as she cradled his head in the crook of her arm. He opened his eyes. "Y-Yi..." he choked out.

She caught her tears before they fell. "It's me, Ang... I... I'm here..."

"What about the..."

"The children are safe, I promise. I made sure they were safe."

He smiled and took a few heavy breaths-suddenly his body was wracked with coughs, blood spraying from his mouth and staining their clothes and hands. Wang Yi held him tighter to her. "No...!" She lost control of her tears-they fell torrentially, and her chest heaved as she cried harder than she ever had before.

Zhao Ang slowly reached up and cupped her cheek in his hand, wiping her tears with his thumb. "Don't cry... this isn't goodbye."

"What are you talking about?!" She wailed, burying her head in his chest. "You... oh my god... don't leave me... don't leave me, Ang, I'm begging you...!"

Zhao Ang closed his eyes and squeezed her hand. "Don't worry, my love. My Wang Yi." He coughed again, blood trickling down from his lips. "I am as the wind... I will never leave you. Not as long as there is a breeze blowing through your hair."

She attempted in vain to regain her composure. "But... you have to pull through...! Your children need you...!" she swallowed again, her next words almost rendered incomprehensible through the tears. "I need you...!"

He ran a weak hand through her hair, and she raised her head to stare into his half-lidded eyes. "Wang Yi... my darling... I... love you."

She squeezed his hand, drying her tears-a futile effort, they still kept falling-and whispering, "I love you too. I'll always love you."

His final breaths were staggered, and he muttered something-she wasn't able to decipher anything, except "Look out... Ma Chao... strong..." His eyes slowly rolled back, and she watched as his life slowly slipped from him, and his hand went limp. Wang Yi had no idea what to do next; she hadn't prepared for this. She had never imagined something like this would ever happen to her. All she could think of to do was tenderly draw down his eyelids for him with her fingers, and hold him close as she sobbed. Her senses tuned everything else out but the soldiers as they spoke. She knew all she could do at this point was figure out her next move.

Ma Chao's voice rang out, a voice that would normally seem calm, youthful, but to Wang Yi sounded akin to a massive explosion. "Did you search all the houses?"

"Yes sir, we're now searching the huts at the west end." No words she had heard in her life had ever instilled as much horror as those did. The west end. That was where her children were. She had to act fast, as much as it pained her to leave her husband. _I'm sorry, Ang. I have to save the only part of you I have left. _She gently set his body back down, her thoughts shifting gears entirely to saving her children.

Preparing herself and her weapons, she leaped out from behind the boxes, her feet carrying her as fast as they could back to the western side of the village where she came from. She didn't quite pay attention to how many soldiers she had mowed down along the way, and even if she had, she would have entirely forgotten them when she saw three soldiers prodding the pleading and sobbing Yue and Ping to their knees outside the hut, and tossing Ying by her hair along with them. Ma Chao dismounted his horse, staring the boys down with a diabolical glint in his eyes. Ying squeezed Yue and Ping's hands, and they all whimpered softly with every step Ma Chao took towards them, tears streaming down their faces.

Wang Yi's eyes widened, her pupils shrank. She couldn't lose them. She refused to let them die. She didn't even think twice before lunging at Ma Chao with everything she had. He whirled around, his eyebrows raised in surprise, quickly brandishing his spear and preparing for her onslaught. He blocked her relentless attacks easily with his spear as if they were nothing, and they finally were deadlocked-Ma Chao quickly tossed her away from him, and she fell back as two large guards restrained her despite her attempts to thrash away from them with everything she had.

"Let them go!" she cried as she struggled futilely against the guards, attempting to free her arms. The tears returned as her pleas got more desperate. "Take me! Take me! Kill me! Use me, my body, for whatever you want! But let my children go! I'm begging you to have mercy!"

Ma Chao narrowed his eyes, glaring at Wang Yi and glaring back at her children. "Your lord is Cao Cao, yes...?" He turned his attention back to Wang Yi.

The guards forced her to her knees, and she grunted as they pushed her down. She remained mute, unsure what to say. Yes, her family had some sort of allegiance to Cao Cao, but... was that the right answer to give him...?

He continued regardless. "Do you think when I begged the man you serve, the man you are a part of, not to destroy my family, he showed me any mercy?"

As much as Wang Yi attempted not to cry, her eyes began leaking tears once again. "P-Please..." she managed to choke out. "Don't do this."

He loomed over her children, and they all huddled together in terror, cringing at the mere sound of his voice. "This is justice! I will leave not one Wei dog alive!"

"No! No! Don't do this! Please!" She begged, screaming louder than she ever had.

With one swift motion, he thrust his spear through Ping's chest.

"NO...!" Wang Yi wailed, her sobs causing her to double over.

He coughed, blood spattering out of his mouth, and his eyes bulged at first, then finally drooped-Ma Chao removed his spear, a sickening sucking noise emanating from his lifeless body as he slumped over.

Yue was the next to die. The spear entered his chest, and he let out a sound that almost wasn't human. His eyes drooped the same as Ping's, the blood poured out of his mouth the same as Ping's.

Wang Yi cried out louder, sobbed more vigorously, begged harder and harder for him to have mercy, to spare Ying's life at the very least. She coughed from all the sobs, cringing at the noise the spear made as it left his body. Ma Chao's eyes glinted as he raised his spear to finish Ying off. But he paused for a moment, her attempt at speaking staving off his hand even for a second.

"Y-you're..." she began, fighting through her fear and managing to speak. "You're a coward..." She shivered violently with every word, spoken through gritted teeth. Wang Yi's eyes widened.

"Ying..." Wang Yi mumbled, tears still overflowing from her eyes.

"You're talking about honor and justice and yet you're willing to kill all of these innocent people!" Ying burst out, fighting back the urge to sob. "You're nothing but a liar!"

"Ying, stop, please!" Wang Yi wailed, as Ma Chao gritted his teeth and raised his spear higher, eyes wide in an almost demonic anger.

"You can kill me, but I promised my Mama I'd be brave like her and Baba no matter what! I won't be scared of you because you're nothing but a bully!"

"Shut up!" Ma Chao roared, impaling Ying entirely; she let out a choking sound, one that Wang Yi knew would stay with her, replaying in her mind over and over, until the day she died. He had to consciously make an effort to remove his spear from her daughter's limp body, tearing it away with that disgusting, vile sound as the blade slid from her. Wang Yi curled her body. She was unsure how to deal with having everything she ever knew torn from her. But, by the look in his eye, she took solace in the fact that it would all be over soon. Ma Chao's breath was heavy as he turned to the distraught Wang Yi, kneeling down and pinching her face in his hand.

"You may cry now, but fear not. You will soon join them." He tossed her face to the side and stood. Her breath heavy, loud, whimpering, she shut her eyes tightly and lowered her head as the tears continued to fall. Just as she had when she was defending herself against Ping and Yue's playful assault that afternoon, she prepared for impact.

He raised his spear.

"Master Ma Chao!" A shrill voice suddenly rose behind him, and he glanced back. Wang Yi looked up.

"Report! Cao Cao and his forces have been sighted outside Xiliang!"

Ma Chao's eyes widened, and he glanced back at Wang Yi for a moment. "I thought this village was hiding him...?!" He paused, and Wang Yi's eyes widened. Why wasn't he going to finish her off...? His grip on his spear tightened, and he spat in a mixture of what Wang Yi thought was anger and regret-his eyes weren't cold, murderous like they were before. She could swear she saw a tinge of guilt. So that's what it was. He was planning on murdering innocents to lure Cao Cao out. A shame that he wasn't even here. The guards released her, but she went limp, burying her face in the ground. This was a woman who had lost her life, and Ma Chao glanced over at her and took a breath. He returned to and mounted his horse again.

"I'll spare you today... I have more important things to attend to. All forces, move out! Pursue Cao Cao!"

_I'll spare you today. _Wang Yi gritted her teeth, sniffing and attempting in vain to compose herself. This wasn't sparing her. This was a fate worse than death. She didn't move from the ground, even as all the remaining soldiers left the bloody site of the massacre to pursue the King of Wei that she had never met, and yet in part cost her everything. It wasn't until they were long gone that she had the thought to move at all, let alone toward the bodies of her children, but when she realized she could move again, she scrambled immediately toward them. Their crumpled forms lay together, bloodied and curled into pitiful lumps of flesh. She gathered them together, feeling the tears well up again, and she embraced their bodies tightly.

"I'm so sorry..." she choked through the torrential fall of tears. "Mama's so sorry she broke her promise..." That was what hurt her the most. It was bad enough that they were torn from her.

She couldn't shake the feeling that their dying thoughts were nothing but contempt for her.

She promised nothing would happen. She promised they would be safe. She promised she would bring Baba back.

She broke every single promise she made, and that broke her heart beyond repair.

The thought of joining them crossed her mind-it would be an easy job to do. She had her weapons at a ready distance. But she paused a moment before grabbing them to think-a task that wasn't easy. She had to make it up to them first. She could never face her children, her husband in the next world. Not until she had atoned for her broken promises.

Ma Chao.

As she hugged their bodies close to her bruised and beaten heart, her sorrow at the loss of her family turned quickly into blind rage. Ma Chao. His face swam before her vision. How dare he? Ma Chao the Splendid. She glanced up at the sky, still blue and beautiful, no clouds marring the sun's rays from shining down upon Wang Yi and her children.

Ma Chao must die.

"I promise, Ang. My children. I promise I'll get Ma Chao for doing this." She snarled through gritted teeth.

"This is a promise I swear on whatever life remains in my body that I will not break."


End file.
